It's time to say goodbye
I never put much thought into saying goodbye. For some people, that might seem harsh, insensitive even. My marriage counselor called it lack of empathy. But, it's not.
During my 30+ years of life, I've said goodbye to many friends. Some I'd known for a few weeks or months. Others, I'd known for years. Sure, in the beginning, all relationships go through that honeymoon stage. We all love each other and can't imaging our lives without the other person.
But, eventually I became aware of how different our wavelengths are. It was never going to work.
I have to end it.
Even so, the hardest part isn't saying goodbye.
The hardest part is dealing with the areas of my life that no longer include them. I avoid certain places due to not wanting to bump into them. (This was difficult earlier this year, because when you're an expat mingling in an expat community, eventually, you're going to see someone you don't want to see.)
Also, I felt as if something in my life was missing. (More on that at the end)
Still, I was never angry. Despite what anyone might think, anger hadn't ever been the motivation in my decisions. Ever. When it comes time to say goodbye, I say goodbye with all the love in my heart. When some ex-friends targeted me in hateful private messages and in certain circles, I always replied with pure love.
Those who know me will be scratching their heads. Is this the Milagros I know? Isn't she always tough and badass? Trust me, I am still me. I haven't changed.
But, what you might not know is that I always lead with love. Every decision starts and ends with pure love. Not only for myself but also for others. Ending a relationship doesn't mean you're an evil person. Especially, if you're doing it for the right reasons.
How do you know it's time to say goodbye?
All you have to do is ask yourself one simple question.
Will this relationship hurt me or contribute to my well-being?
Is it really that simple? Yes!
In the end, people's true colors always come to light during hard times, after an argument or disagreement. You might not want to accept it, but it's probably stared at you in the face a few times.
4 Signs You Should Bid Someone Adios!
- They can't take responsibility for their actions or words.
- You're not yourself around them.
- You feel drained after spending time with them
- Being their friend causes problems in your other relationships
So, more on what happened after I said goodbye to some friends earlier this year. Some of these ex-friends said I was crazy, that I was the one with the issues. Newsflash, we all have issues.
Still, recently, I found myself questioning my decision in ending certain relationships. Mostly, whenever my youngest daughter asked me if I could call certain people over for a sleepover or play date. (These friends were female and they loved playing with my kid.)
Admittedly, I felt guilty. I didn't have the guts to tell my daughter she'd never see them again. She wouldn't understand that sometimes friendships aren't forever.
Consequently, I began asking myself tons of questions.
Why was I really questioning my decision to end these relationships? Because of a five-year old? Why was I doubting eliminating negative people from my life?
I took a step back, analyzed conversations and behavior from all parties. Ultimately, I realized if I'm questioning a relationship, it's already on a downhill slope. Not to mention, real, honest and positive friendships won't have you asking wtf.
Additionally, the right friends will stick around.
But, there was still that feeling: Something was missing
So, I continued asking questions...I looked deeper within myself.
Why am I questioning my decision?
Why does it feel as if I was wrong?
And then it hit me.
It was there all the time
The number one reason I was questioning my decision to have a few healthy relationships instead of a hundred unhealthy ones.
It was fear.
I know. I was like WTF, too. Me? Afraid? Nah. But yes, that's the emotion behind all the self-doubt.
And you know what? It's normal to feel as if you've made a mistake when ending a relationship. You're human. And as human, you're going to feel things you don't want to feel. Most of time, the feeling is fear. What kind of fear?
- Fear of being alone.
- Fear of fucking up.
- Fear of never being enough.
- Fear of everything.
But, you know what else...
Love is the greatest protection from fear.
In fact, I wasn't missing anyone. I was missing love, for myself. Likewise, I was projecting love for everyone else and forgot to send some my way.
Self-love is above all the most important thing you can give to yourself and others. Self-love is surrounding yourself with kind, loving people. Self-love is taking time out to meditate and eat healthy. Self-love is putting yourself first in order to be at your best for those around you.
In conclusion, love is your best armor.
So, wear it.