How to keep going after you've been broken
I've struggled with how to start this post. It's my first post in weeks. And, a lot has happened since then, but there's too much detail that I shall not place in this particular post. Still, all of which has happened has led to this post.
There are broken souls out in this vast world. Lost. Confused. Lonely. Feeling as if no one could possibly understand what they are going through and the reality is, they are correct.
Because, there is only one him, one her, one YOU.
And, you alone are the only person that knows the depths of your pain and sorrows. And, I've been there. Most recently, during the last month and a half.
I was broken.
Devastated to be exact.
Someone I trusted, gutted me and as far as I'm concerned, for no reason. I've collapsed on the living room rug sobbing with a deep hollow pain that, surprisingly enough, I can't even describe. And for a long time, I thought I deserved it. Until most recently, I really did think I'd brought this pain onto myself. I'm a sensitive and emotional person so it was natural for me to drive myself crazy trying to figure out how I could fix what was broken.
But the truth eventually exposed itself. I was not to blame.
Well, not entirely.
You see, there are always red flags and we choose to either see them or ignore them. I, most often than not, ignore the hell out of them. Why? Because I always believe I can fix people. And, instead of fixing them, they end up tearing my soul to pieces.
My downfall is my kindness and trusting nature. I always believe that no one would hurt me on purpose because I would never hurt them. And, I'm usually proven wrong.
It had been close to thirteen years since I'd felt this level of pain and it's taken a little over a month for the daily crying to subside to a weekly event. Yes, it might be unorthodox for a Life Coach to share this type of information. I get it. We are supposed to be strong at all times and be a role model. But what I really am, is truthful and living proof that it's okay to feel all the feelings. Process the fuck out them. And, when you're ready, change will occur.
One day, you WILL wake up and the pain will no longer feel like it's killing you. You will be able to hear THAT song and it won't make you cry. (No, I still can't listen to ONE particular song. Which sucks, because it's been my favorite song from my childhood. A family song that meant the world to me.) And it might not be today, or tomorrow, but it will happen.
So, how do you go from where you are now to THERE. How do you go from feeling despair to feeling hopeful? How do you replace the pain with happiness?
You have to give yourself permission to take your time. To be angry. To cry. Because if you don't, I promise, it will creep up on you when you least expect it and it will knock you down again.
Take it one minute at a time.
It took me over a month to get back into my old routine (sans the bad experience) and, it still feels foreign to me, but it's a step forward in the right direction. I am very clear about no longer wanting to live in that dark-consuming pain.
Ignore the friends who tell you to "Suck It Up" or "Get Over It". I totally get it. They don't understand, but I do.
This is why I can tell you will a full heart that it will get better. No, it won't happen overnight. You can't force yourself to forgive or forget, but you CAN and you WILL. One day. When you're spirit is ready. When you're mind is no longer making laps around those painful memories that you just can't go back and change.
Cry again if you have to.
But, remember that time is on your side. Take all the time you need to recover and be kind to yourself.
Because in all seriousness, what the hell is the other option?